{"id":2911,"date":"2021-02-19T21:34:56","date_gmt":"2021-02-20T01:34:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/?p=2911"},"modified":"2021-02-24T08:48:14","modified_gmt":"2021-02-24T12:48:14","slug":"real-estate-agent-jokes-your-dad-told","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/real-estate-agent-jokes-your-dad-told\/","title":{"rendered":"Real Estate Agent Dad Jokes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If you haven’t heard we recently launched our “Agent-Level<\/strong><\/a>” membership for real estate agents looking for huge bumps in their commissions. Since then, we have been steeped in the agent life talking to all you stressed agents on the phone. After talking for hours with so many agents all of us here feel like it’s a Sunday evening and our buyers are asking to see their 30th house of the day thus impeding our wine o’clock plans. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let’s blow off some steam with some really punny real estate jokes from my Dad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A masked robber runs into a real estate agents office and shouts
“Nobody move!”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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What does a British real estate agent care most about? <\/em>
Proper tea<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers\u2026
Cause once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a Mall!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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What did the depressed rural real estate agent do?
Sell farm.<\/em> (say it quickly)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It\u2019s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns
Last time I ended up voting for a real estate agent<\/em>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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What do you call a man who sells impossible houses?
A surreal estate agent<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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CRM salesperson: \u201cThis CRM will cut your workload in half\u201d
Real Estate Agent: \u201cThat\u2019s great, I\u2019ll take two!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Did you hear about the last remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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My clients put in an offer on a two story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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What does a house wear? Address<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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What kind of building weighs the least?
A lighthouse<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Seller: But this carpeting cost an arm & a leg when I bought it!
Agent: 90% of the people hate carpeting. The other 10% hate YOUR<\/strong> carpeting.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cI need a raise in my commission,\u201d the Realtor said to her Managing Broker. \u201cThere are four other companies after me.\u201d

\u201cOh really?\u201d asked the manager. \u201cWhat other companies are after you?\u201d
Realtor: \u201cVISA, Verizon, FPL Electric, and Zillow.com<\/em>\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Eh, that Agent doesn\u2019t look so strong. I bet I can take him in a fight!\u201d
\u201cAre you crazy? That guy says he flips houses in his spare time!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Why did God invent Economists?
So real estate agents could have something to laugh it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Seller to Agent: “You\u2019ve done such a great job describing my house in your real estate listing that I\u2019ve decided to keep it!<\/em>“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Finally, the best ice breaker line at your next open house:
I\u2019m no photographer, but I can picture you in this house!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you haven’t heard we recently launched our “Agent-Level” membership for real estate agents looking for huge bumps in their commissions. Since then, we have been steeped in the agent life talking to all you…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":2971,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[171],"tags":[327,166,284,172,328],"class_list":["post-2911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-funny-stuff","tag-agent-jokes","tag-funny","tag-funny-real-estate","tag-memes","tag-real-estate-memes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2911","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2911"}],"version-history":[{"count":32,"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2911\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2997,"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2911\/revisions\/2997"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2971"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/propertyonion.com\/education\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}