Once upon a time, not so long ago…

Tommy used to work on the docks, union’s been on strike
He’s down on his luck, it’s tough, so tough

Life can’t be too tough for Jon Bon Jovi, who recently upgraded from his $20 million little fixer-upper Florida home to a whopping $43 million mansion literally down the street! Sure, it’s in a different neighborhood, 2.5 miles away, but still…same street.

And if you’re worried that Bon Jovi might be struggling to finance these two mortgages at the same time while finding a buyer for his old property, fear not — Christian Angle Real Estate represented the Jersey rocker on both transactions and coordinated a same-day sale. Out with the old, in with the new!

What a way for this real estate agent to earn that tidy commission! Let’s do the math: $63 million in real estate bought and sold. That’s roughly $3.78 million in commission that changed hands. Impressive numbers for any brokerage.

So, what exactly does one get in Florida when they double their home value a couple of miles down the same street?

For starters, it’s quite a hefty size increase. The old house was a mere 5,000 square feet, barely enough to store all of Bon Jovi’s gold and platinum records. And yes, his 2006 Grammy for the seemingly made-up category Best Country Collaboration with Vocals. Where’s the Oscar love, Academy? “Blaze of Glory” is an amazing song! No one even remembers “Sooner or Later” from the Dick Tracy soundtrack. Yeesh!

My point is, the Bongiovis (look it up!) have outgrown their space, and it’s time to upsize.

There’s more than enough extra capacity in the new 13,000-square-foot residence. While he once had only five bedrooms, he now has seven. Finally! Maybe Richie Sambora won’t have to sleep on the couch when visiting. (Richie! We miss you!)

The property also adds two full baths and two partial bathrooms, which is important because…you know…teenagers. Can you ever really have enough bathrooms? No, you cannot. Seriously, how long does it take in there?

Also, how many homes do you really need? Don’t Jon and his family still have an unassuming little property back in the Garden State? Yes, but if you’re in the market for a 15-acre estate in Middletown, New Jersey, and you have $20 million to put down, you too can own a piece of music history — or at least a six-bedroom, nine-bathroom, French-inspired chateau.

I hope you like snow.

With all of these real estate moves happening, you might be thinking that Bon Jovi, the band, are settling down to enjoy retirement life.

Hell no!

The boys have been working on their 15th album and are set to release it on October 2. As much as I’m looking forward to some new Bon Jovi material, I’m not a fan of the new album title — 2020. Ugh. I think the last thing any of us need is a reminder of the longest year in history. When I finally throw out my calendar in January, I never want to think about 2020 again.

But I get it. These mansions don’t come cheap. There are bills to pay!

I’d love to see a new tour, but I don’t imagine that’ll be happening anytime soon. Thanks for nothing, COVID-19. You’ve robbed us of so many things in 2020, but you can’t take away my memories of the best performance I’ve ever attended. June 30, 2009 in a huge field with 33,000 other fans. I don’t consider myself much of a concert guy, but that was a perfect day, ending with a truly captivating rendition of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”

Looking for a little daily inspiration? Check out these pics of Jon Bon Jovi’s spectacular new Palm Beach home.

Living on a prayer, indeed! Oh, and a considerable sum of artist royalties.